A new food blog quietly popped up on Tumblr last week, but as with all things funny or controversial, it didn’t stay quiet for long. Another Damned Food Blog is both, serving up equal parts laugh-out-loud funny and sharp (and yes, harsh) commentary on the Cape Town food scene.
I laughed – often and out loud. I shared it with friends. They thanked me. One response reads: I wish I could thank you in a way that adequately expresses my gratitude for your sharing this. It is so. damned. beautiful.
Yeah, that’s me. In my fucking kitchen. Sautéing my shit. Bleached chefs whites. 5 o’clock stubble. 4 a.m. hair. And it’s only lunchtime. Wild like a fucking Bornean Orangutang. You might know my croissants. Stone-ground flour? LOLbitch. We use the dust of stone-ground fucking unicorn horn.
But even while nearly incapacitated by laughter, people are nodding in agreement; in their opinion, each ‘review’ contains at least a sprinkling of truth. But just as the right amount of salt enhances the flavour of a dish, making it more palatable, too much yields an entirely different result. Sprinkle it in a wound and it hurts like hell.
How long till your food arrives? Next fucking Tuesday if you ask again gringo. Patience. Don’t bite the hand that bitchslaps you. We’re fucking hot. On fire. Incendiary.
So is Another Damned Food Blog a profanity-laced rant, satire, a tongue-in-cheek poke at the best and worst of Cape Town’s food scene, or brutally honest commentary on an industry that takes itself too seriously? Perhaps it’s all of the aforementioned – or none at all.
I doubt it’s going to negatively affect establishments that are ‘reviewed’. In fact, I suspect the opposite is true. For instance, if I hadn’t yet tried a Jason Bakery croissant, I’d certainly want to do so now. Who could possibly resist one of France’s best exports when made from “the dust of stone-ground fucking unicorn horn”? Not me. To be featured could well end up being a badge of honour, with reviews proudly printed and displayed, or shared on websites, blogs and via social networks.
And if the reaction thus far is any measure, others agree. Jason Bakery posted a link to the blog on Facebook. Dax Villanueva did the same on Twitter. No outrage. No indignation. An acknowledgement that it is, at the very least, amusing – despite (or perhaps because of) the harsh commentary to be found in amongst the profanity (which really does add to the humour).
One of the first things I did this morning – as I suspect did others – was check for an update and sure enough, Giorgio Nava had joined Jason Bakery, Wakame, Dining Out, Spill, Relax with Dax, Bombay Bicycle Club, The Power and the Glory et al. in the spotlight. We eagerly await future reviews.
Do you have any idea how many restaurants I have? Seriously? Like four. Hundred. Million. 95 Keerom. Carne. Down South. Caffe Milano. Mozzarella Bar. Fuck! I own this town. Name my fucking hood Little Italy.
Whatever the intention behind Another Damned Food Blog, it’s bound to be on everyone’s lips for a while – if only to try and guess just who is behind it.
Taste it here.